Well, yesterday was Ben #1's birthday, and since he and I haven't exactly been getting along lately, I found a very fitting way to celebrate. I've decided that he isn't worth the time or words to try to be friends with him. He doesn't care about anybody except himself. Most importantly, I discovered something: Since Ben #1's girlfriend is a horse, that would make him a horse's ass. So I was able to get over him and feel better about myself all in one night. *waves banner*

Ben #2 was away in Philadelphia for the weekend, and he got back yesterday evening. So me, Jason, Reed, Sam, Mark, and Nathan all hung out his house. These little parties have been so fun for me- I can forget about all my problems with my evil step-mother and ex-boyfriends and being away from Daddy and Mandy, and just laugh and have fun (and I don't even have to get drunk or high, which is good because I never have and I don't plan on it). The other guys like to piss Ben off by flirting with me and pretending to get it on with me while he's out of the room. Of course I only think of all of them as friends. They're great guys, all of them, but I would never cheat on Ben with any of them- we only mess around with his head and tease him because it's fun. When you come right down to it, I'm Ben's chick all the way and no one else's. But it's still fun to play around. ;-)

I've been hanging out a lot with Preston and his friend Bob lately. As a matter of fact, they're here right now, looking at my book of quotes. Bob is now my bodyguard and bitch, which is making Preston jealous. I love being a flirt. ;-)

Mark said last night that I'm like the most changed girl in the whole school. I'm not sure if I've really changed all that much. I mean, I don't *feel* any different or anything like that. I think, if anything, I've become a happier, freer person, and I think it's made me feel beautiful. With my step-mother gone, I feel like I'm in control of my identity again, and I like myself a lot more. I got past my awkward outcast stage and now I'm really beginning to find out who I am. Things are still really rough for me, but at least I don't have to live in fear anymore.

..."your alchemy can change my clay to skin..." -John Logan

"Do a little dance!"

Get your own free online diary at Diaryland.com!