It's funny how everything can be simultaneously wonderful and terrible at the same time.

It's also funny how just when you think your love life is as confusing as it's ever gonna get, the nice little Catholic boy you thought was the least of your worries kisses you, and then everything goes straight to hell in a handbasket.

I figured if any of my admirers was gonna try to put the moves on me, it certainly wouldn't be Ed. I suppose I sort of misjudged him. And, I'll admit, I didn't slap him across the face when he did it. Nor did I the second time. Or the third. But, once I came to my senses, I had to tell him that I'm just not interested in a relationship right now, which is partly true. The whole truth is, if I was going to get into a relationship right now, it more than likely wouldn't be with him. I mean, he's so *innocent*. If I went out with him, then everytime I did something with him that we hadn't done before, I'd be thinking, "This is the first time he's *ever* done this." I can't handle a situation like that. And there's no way I could ever sleep with him- that would be so weird. Taking someone's virginity isn't exactly on my freshman year to-do list.

So last night I went from near suicidal to laughing my ass off. First Gigi and Maria went out to all these parties and they didn't even make an attempt to invite me along. Then I couldn't find anyone to go with me to the frat party I got invited to, and there's no way I'm going to one of those things alone. So I basically sat around feeling very lonely and friendless and thinking about Mom Mom dying and everything, since Daddy says she isn't going to be around much longer. I can't keep hoping she's going to live forever, or even long enough to meet my children. If she dies, what's going to become of our family? What's going to become of me? I can feel a nervous breakdown coming on, and if that happens, I will be in a world of shit.

So I went to the Mask and Wig show with Ed. Mask and Wig is like Penn's version of the Kids in the Hall, only there's about 20 of them instead of 6. They dress in drag and do skits involving some really sick humor. I was so impressed- I mean, they did a *really* good job. My neighbor, Steve, is in it, so next time I see him I have to congratulate him on what a good job he did, give him a big hug, maybe invite him to hang out sometime...

Tomorrow I get to go to Joey's birthday party. He's my little brother, and he's going to be one and I still haven't met him yet. I also get to be near my wicked step-mother. Personally, I hope she gets hit by a train so I can wear a low-cut, red mini-dress to her funeral.

These days I can't tell if I want a boyfriend or not. On the one hand, I feel sort of alone, and the weather is getting cold, and I feel like I'm surrounded by couples on all sides. On the other hand, do I really need that kind of distraction right now, when I have so many other things to worry about? Besides, I'm rather enjoying the singles scene. It sure beats getting chased by shrews.

"How can just one man ever make her happy?" -Moxy Fruvous

"It was a dark night, and the rain was coming down harder than R. Kelly on 14-year-old girls." -Mask and Wig

"Do a little dance!"

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