It's amazing how you can get attached to a person so quickly some times. I've been talking to Sean for less than two weeks, I've only seen him once, and already I can't stop thinking about him. All around me and within me warning signs are popping up- "Danger! Danger! Do not proceed!"

The thing is, he's just as scared that he's gonna get burned. Maybe my logic is a little faulty here, but if you're afraid someone is going to hurt you, aren't you less likely to hurt them?

In any case, he is constantly in my thoughts. I keep planning ahead, thinking of opportunities to see him and places to show him and things to tell him. I keep hoping that things really *will* go my way this time, instead of completely fucking me up. It seems like whenever someone expresses the desire to help me or be there for me, and I let them, they ultimately end up letting me down. I don't want to lose Sean for some stupid, implausible reason, or even worse, to somebody else. For once in my life I want to love and be loved.

I'm being as cautious as I can, because we both don't want to rush in and get screwed over. We've both been hurt before, been taken advantage of, been taken for granted. But I think we both also see a lot of beauty in the world. Given the chance, I could fall hopelessly in love with him.

I'm in Bumble right now, spending time with Daddy and Mandy and Brian, and Gwennie and Jerry (Big Daddy). It's so good to hear their voices again, to be in the mountains again where everything is so alive and yet so peaceful. I can sit in the sunlight, play with the cats and the dog and my excuse for a dog, and just feel so relaxed and good inside. When I am with my family I feel like I'm alive and not just breathing and walking around, going through the motions of existence.

I miss Sean and Steph... Will they ever get to see this place?

"Maybe this time I'll be lucky. Maybe this time he'll stay. Maybe this time, for the first time, love won't hurry away." -from "Cabaret"

"Get busy living, or get busy dying." -Andy, "The Shawshank Redemption"

"Do a little dance!"

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